The best part about bike treks around Portland is that there are so many beautiful homes to see up close. I even have a soft spot for dilapidated houses that need a lot of TLC. I’m not posting about either one today. Instead I’m focusing on what I call house abominations, those “what the $%@! were they thinking” houses. Some of these houses are redeemable because bad color choices are easier to rectify, but some have been remuddled beyond belief.

Big Red

The photo doesn’t do this house justice in person. Even with dark shades on, the color burns out your retinas. I think it may have been a traditional foursquare, but its been hacked and stucco’d over beyond all recognition.

Baby Shutters

Where to start? I hate decorative shutters in general, especially when mounted outside of the frame and unusable, but these were taken to a whole other level. Don’t even get me started on the vertical siding or the replacement shiny brass leaded glass front door.

Neopolitan Nightmare

This house takes the cake, literally. :) Poor color combination choice is not a completely unforgivable offense, because it can be changed. However, I’m not thrilled that they painted over brick and the original block. Even the chimney is pistachio green! The vinyl on the second story also makes no sense.

As an aside, the first time I passed this house and looked up into the second story window, I swear I saw a ghost. It was probably just a guy in a hazmat suit, but it kind of freaked me out.

WTF?!

Another poor foursquare that was probably nice in its prime, but has been completely hacked apart beyond all recognition. I expect an early 1990s dream inside as well as evidenced by the two massive windows that encroach on the second floor. There is no hope for this one. My vote: demolish ASAP.

Jetson Cottage

I wish I could see where they were going with this one. Looks like a architecture school drop-out had a bit too much fun. I have to admit, the upstairs room is probably cool from the inside, but the exterior execution just isn’t working for me. The strange log fence really seals the deal, doesn’t it?

Porch Pretty

This is another house that could be redeemed of the owner’s poor judgement on the porch. Plexiglass windows? Sometimes creativity should be stifled.

Do you know have photos of any house abominations? I’d love to see them and share in a future edition.

8 Responses to “House Abominations”

1. Joe says:

   March 8, 2011 at 8:24 am

   Ugh.

   I drive by WTF often and it just depresses the hell out of me. There’s another one around the corner from you that may be even worse. I think it used to be a cute little tudor on the corner of Weidler & 50-something’th. It has been for sale for about a year. I just don’t see how anyone could buy something so hacked up.
2. Nicole says:

   March 8, 2011 at 12:27 pm

   There is such an incredible variety out there! Last week, on one street I saw 3 homes that still had up glaring X-Mas decorations.
3. Celena says:

   March 8, 2011 at 8:31 pm

   Ha, I like the jetson house. It’s kinda cute… in an awkward, space-age kinda way.
4. Anne says:

   March 12, 2011 at 5:16 am

   Wow! I don’t even know what to say to those. WTF doesn’t do any of these justice. Perhaps aliens took their brains for experiments and never returned them. ;)
5. Dee says:

   March 21, 2011 at 8:11 am

   This served as my comic relief for the day.
6. Leslie @ NE Portland Bungalow says:

   March 25, 2011 at 9:11 pm

   My favorite is Baby Shutters, aka Baby Shudders, though Big Red is fun, too. There is a sweet Purple Monster on Prescott, maybe near 28th.

   Thanks for posting these pictures and putting a smile on my face! Also for making me feel better about letting a few pieces of junk sit on the front porch for way too long.
7. Molly says:

   May 14, 2011 at 3:28 pm

   This is our little eyesore:
   http://s11.photobucket.com/albums/a165/mulmol/?action=view&current=b4b3e074.jpg
   We actually call it Big Red, too! We just bought it and can’t wait to paint it. Any ideas what colors would be good for this 1927 craftsman bungalow? We don’t mind red, just not ALL red (the trim, the roof, EVERYTHING!)
8. Dawn Peterson says:

   May 15, 2011 at 5:28 pm

   Hi Molly, your link prompts a login. Can you make that photo public for others to view (even better if its on flickr instead)? :)